Random Top 5: Words That Don't Mean What They Sound Like They Mean

With some words, you could get an idea of what they mean just by how they sound. For example, "heinous" sounds bad and "plop" sounds gloopy. With the words below, however, if you didn't know their real meaning, you'd probably have a hard time guessing it.

5. Pulchritude

Means: Beautiful

Sounds like it means: Chronic vomiting

4. Tumescent

Means: Engorged

Sounds like it means: Sparkly

3. Felicitous

Means: Pleasant

Sounds like it means: Arrested for sexual harassment

2. Taciturn

Means: Silent

Sounds like it means: An Amish disciplinarian or a copper spittoon

1. Crepuscule

Means: Twilight

Sounds like it means: An infected wound on the anus

Random Top 5: Movies I Hate Beyond Reason

5. Lost & Found

Dumb as dirt. I saw this for free on TV, but I still felt ripped off. David Spade makes my skin crawl.

4. Reality Bites

This movie bites.

3. Cast Away

The most egregious, insulting, infuriating example of product placement in movie history. And they show him surviving and getting off the island in the commercial.

2. Working Girl

Everyone else loves this movie. Everyone else is an idiot. This movie represents everything I hate about the '80s. At the end, when she got a job as a mid-level corporate shill and cheered like she just cured cancer, I wanted to vomit.

1. The Family Stone

I just saw this recently and it skyrocketed to the top of this list. If this movie had a face, I would slap it with my glove. There is too much suck to describe here. Maybe I'll write a full review later, but for now I'll just say: Worst. Movie. Ever.

Random Top 5: Words I’ve Heard Mispronounced Lately

5. Expresso (for espresso)

4. Supposably (for supposedly)

3. Acove (for alcove)

And here’s where they start getting weird

2. Aquiknowledge (for acknowledge)

1. Sangwich (for sandwich)

It’s a weird mispronunciation. But what’s even weirder is that I heard it from two different people who don’t know each other on the same day!

Random Top 5: Words That Make Me Wish I Was British

These are words that I wish I could say, but I can't because I'm American

5. Oi!
When you say "Oi!" meaning "Hey, you!" you instantly sound like a tough soccer hooligan.

4. Cheers
Not "cheers" meaning "salute" but "cheers" meaning "thanks."

3. Sodding
I have no idea what this means. It's said like a vulgarity, but sounds like gardening.

2. Bollocks
Awesome word. Even better? "Dog's bollocks."

1. The C Word
This seems to be said casually in the UK, but I can't even write it, much less say it.

Random Top 5: Underrated Pizza Toppings

5. Roasted potatoes
4. Gorganzola
3. Walnuts
2. Arugala salad
1. Sun-dried cranberries

In case you were wondering, yes, I am from California.

Random Top 5: Worst Jazz Instruments

I'm not a jazz expert, but I know what I don't like. Here are the top five instruments that can ruin any jazz song.

5. Soprano sax

I'm sure there are people out there that can make this thing sound awesome. I'm thinking of Kenny G.

4. The Flute

Makes the soprano sax sound macho.

3. The tuba

Have you ever heard someone try to solo with a tuba? I have. It's like watching a sumo wrestler try to tap dance.

2. Xylophone

I went to a free jazz concert in the park. As they were setting up the stage, someone brought out a xylophone. I left.

1. The human voice

Nothing destroys a jazz tune faster than some idiot singing over it. If I'm listening to jazz on the radio and I hear singing start to come out of the speaker, I will leap over my wife and dog risking severe bodily injury diving for the off switch. Also scat. Double meaning. Think about it.