Tequila Review: Chinaco Reposado

Damn, this is good! How good? So good it makes me want go back and rewrite all my old reviews. You know all those nice things I said about all those other guys? I take ‘em all back. I didn’t have my new girlfriend, Ms. Chinaco, to compare them to. The reason I like it so much is because it tastes natural. It tastes real. I’ve described some other tequilas as tasting good but “artificially flavored.” This is the opposite of that. The taste has some familiar flavors like vanilla and perfume, but the predominate flavor is agave. (Honestly, I don’t know for sure the flavor is agave. I mean, I’ve never bitten into one of those poky things. It’s totally a guess. That said, I’m entirely sure I’m right.) So, you past tequilas: you got lucky. Next week’s tequila: you better step up. Have I been exaggerating in this review? Yes, but good tequila will do that to me. And I can’t wait until I taste something so much better than this that will get me to take back this review.

Overrated/Underrated

Underrated: English peas

They're huge and super easy to cook. Good lookin' out, English peas!

Overrated: Fava beans

Admit it, you never really thought about fava beans until you saw Silence of the Lambs, and then you wanted to cut someone's liver out so you could try them. No? Just me? Well, I finally tried them.

On the outside, they look almost exactly like English peas, but you know what's on the inside? Almost nothing. If you want a cup of fava bean, you'd better bring a 40-gallon garbage bag to the grocery store to fill up. You struggle to peel open the pod and it's like a luxury condo inside, with tiny little beans nestled on a fine fur blanket. But guess what? You're not done peeling yet. Now you have to peel each individual bean. But you have to steam them first, so you can get the skin off. Finally, you squeeze out a little bean the size of a BB covered in some gross embryonic fluid. Now do that a thousand times and you've got yourself a spoonful of food. So what did they taste like? They tasted like not worth it. The dude's liver I had with them, however, was excellent.

And don't forget to vote for me in Fresh Blood contest!

Fresh Blood Final Four FAQs!

Amazingly, I received enough votes to make it through to the next round in the Leisure/ChiZine/Rue Morgue "Fresh Blood" contest. Voting has started on the next round, so please send in a vote for me, won't you?

I'd love to, but is it hard to do?

No, it's quite easy. Just click here. That should open an email with the "To" and "Subject" lines already filled out, so just hit Send!

Wow, that is easy! But what if I find that much automation frightening and want to fill out my own email?

That's easy too. Just send an email to: freshblood@chizinepub.com

And put "Fresh Blood Vote: Breed" in the Subject line.

What if I want to vote for you a whole bunch of times?

I admire your enthusiasm, but I'm afraid you can only vote once per email address. But if you have more than one email address, knock yourself out.

What if I want see what I'm voting for first?

You can go chizine.com to read a description of the scary creatures in the top four books and see the judges tear me a new one.

That sounds fun!

I think you'll enjoy it.

But what if I don't like your entry and want to vote for one of the other books?

I'd encourage you to ask yourself, "Do I really like that other book better? Maybe I just think I do but I really like Breed better? Maybe I should just vote for Breed to be safe?"

Tequila Review: Revolucion Reposado

Wow, I haven't posted a tequila review Feb 24 with Dos Manos "The Hands of Fate" Reposado. Were are my priorities? I need to get drinking! Well, I'm back with a treat:

Revolucion Resposado

Okay, it doesn’t matter what this tequila tastes like--you need to go buy it. Why? The bottle. No, it’s not one of those tall, skinny, frosted glass numbers trying to look like some fancy French vodka with all the flavor of a tall glass of ice water. It’s a pretty straight-ahead shape, thin and wide, more like a brandy bottle. So what’s the big deal? Well, for starters it has two pistols on the label and it’s called Revolucion! How bad ass is that? What revolution are they aluding to? I have no idea, but they can count me in. Just tell me who the bad guys are and I’ll come out guns a’ blazin’. Now, I don’t like to be exclusionary, but I’ve got to say that this is a manly tequila. You ladies are welcome to drink it all you like, of course, but don’t be surprise when you grow hair on your chest. But gee whiz, you might say (‘cause I bet a punk like you talks that way), that doesn’t sound like such a big deal. Oh yeah? You just turn that bottle around. What am I going to find? I ain’t tellin’, punk. All I’m going to tell you is, it kicks a whole lot of ass. And the tequila inside’s not shabby either. It’s light, but it has a full, buttery texture and a descent kick. The predominate flavor is a pleasant vanilla, with some floral notes. Not bad at all. Viva la Revolucion!

Random Top 5: Movies I Hate Beyond Reason

5. Lost & Found

Dumb as dirt. I saw this for free on TV, but I still felt ripped off. David Spade makes my skin crawl.

4. Reality Bites

This movie bites.

3. Cast Away

The most egregious, insulting, infuriating example of product placement in movie history. And they show him surviving and getting off the island in the commercial.

2. Working Girl

Everyone else loves this movie. Everyone else is an idiot. This movie represents everything I hate about the '80s. At the end, when she got a job as a mid-level corporate shill and cheered like she just cured cancer, I wanted to vomit.

1. The Family Stone

I just saw this recently and it skyrocketed to the top of this list. If this movie had a face, I would slap it with my glove. There is too much suck to describe here. Maybe I'll write a full review later, but for now I'll just say: Worst. Movie. Ever.

The bloodletting continues!

The March round of voting for the Leisure Books/ChiZine/Rue Morgue Magazine “Fresh Blood” contest has started. Once again, this is a contest for first time novelists and the grand prize winner will have their novel published in paperback by Leisure Books and in hardcover by ChiZine Publications in 2011. And I’m in the top 5!

Last time I got a paltry 4% of the vote, and this time the writer with the lowest number will be eliminated. So please, VOTE FOR ME!!! VOTE FOR ME!!!

Sorry, that was undignified. But if you would be so kind, please do consider sending in a vote. It’s easy:

Just email here:
freshblood@chizinepub.com

And put this in the subject line:
Fresh Blood Vote: Breed

You can take a look at the cover copy for each of the top 5 novels here. Of course, you’re welcome to vote for one of the other four, if you prefer. But you wouldn’t do that to me, would you? WOULD YOU???? (Sorry, I’ve really got to get a hold of myself)

Random Top 5: Words I’ve Heard Mispronounced Lately

5. Expresso (for espresso)

4. Supposably (for supposedly)

3. Acove (for alcove)

And here’s where they start getting weird

2. Aquiknowledge (for acknowledge)

1. Sangwich (for sandwich)

It’s a weird mispronunciation. But what’s even weirder is that I heard it from two different people who don’t know each other on the same day!